Julia Pizzolato

Copywriting, Website Development, Branding

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Anti-boring boilerplate copy. And nachos.

There’s a punk rock band that loves the 7-Eleven nachos so much they wrote a song about them.

7-Eleven heard about it and partnered with them to create a “real” music video. Then they issued a press release about their new music video.

Standard issue with press releases is boilerplate company info copy. Usually incredibly dry and boring.

But someone at 7-Eleven headquarters is super cool. And instead of boilerplate boring, this got approved.

Trust me, it’s worth a quick read:

About 7–Eleven, Inc.

“Are you still reading this? Awesome. Most people stop when they get to the small print. But not you!

You get to read the cool stuff. 7-Eleven, Inc. is the premier name and largest chain in the convenience-retailing industry. They don’t like to brag, but they invented convenience stores. For real. Google it. Based in Irving, Texas, 7-Eleven operates, franchises and/or licenses more than 77,000 stores in 17 countries and regions, including nearly 16,000 in North America.

7–Eleven, Inc. operates Speedway®, Stripes®, Laredo Taco Company® and Raise the Roost® Chicken and Biscuits locations. Known for its iconic brands such as Slurpee®, Big Bite® and Big Gulp®, 7-Eleven has expanded into high-quality sandwiches, salads, side dishes, cut fruit and protein boxes, as well as pizza, chicken wings and mini beef tacos. Mmmmm, tacos.

7-Eleven offers customers industry-leading private brand products under the 7-Select™ brand including healthy options, decadent treats and everyday favorites at an outstanding value. Customers can earn and redeem points on various items in stores nationwide through its 7Rewards® loyalty program with more than 50 million members, place an order in the 7NOW® delivery app in over 2,000 cities, or rely on 7-Eleven for bill payment service, self-service lockers and other convenient services.

Find out more online at www.7–Eleven.com, via the 7Rewards customer loyalty platform on the 7-Eleven mobile app, or on social media at Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

Also, they trademarked the word “Brainfreeze.” No lie.

Thanks for sticking with this. You’re unstoppable.”

Aside from not using the Oxford comma (bad, bad), it’s well-written and fun to read. It’s…wait for it…memorable.

Which is what all your copy should be. Easier said than done, I know. But still.

Thanks to Ann Handley for uncovering this gem.

Remember: You’re unstoppable. Especially if you got this far.

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Unprecedented marketing BS in these uncertain times.

The unprecedented formula for wasting as much brand equity and ad budget as possible in these uncertain times:

Cue up somber piano music.
Load up b-roll of empty streets and businesses.

Use phrases like:

Especially today

Now more than ever

Today more than ever

In times like these

During these times of great uncertainty

During these uncertain times

And the all-time favorite – In these unprecedented times…

Then toss in the words home and family.

Remind everyone that your company is here to help. “We’re here for you” is a great phrase to express that.

Then reassure everyone that we’ll get through this together. Be sure the word ‘together’ is also a hashtag.

Then spend thousands of dollars getting actors, err healthcare workers, to clap for the camera. But in no way should you actually spend money helping the healthcare workers. And certainly not restaurant employees.

Manipulative and meaningless.
A big part of what makes this all so meaningless is that so many brands did it using this formula. In less than a week, they were all announcing they were here for us. Watch this video to see the embarrassing number of times the same sad music, phrasing, and b-roll were used.

And this from brands way too big to honestly give a flip about anything but their bottom line.

Uber, GrubHub, Re/Max, Samsung, Facebook, Apple, Kia, Budweiser, FedEx, Heineken, Penske, Lexus, Nationwide Insurance, Taco Cabana, Uhaul, Nissan, Aldi, Target—all guilty. (Apple, you should know better.)

“Nissan has been with you through thick and thin.” Whoever wrote that should be fired.

These are all the brands that will soon start showing ads depicting a “new day” – early morning scenes of people waking up and throwing back the curtains on a beautiful sunrise. They’ll be reminding you of how they were there for you in the bad times, and you need to go forth and shop with them during the good times.

How to make marketing that means something.
The best rule of thumb for advertising during “these uncertain times” is the same dang rule of thumb it’s always been. If you can’t add to the conversation (which is 90% of brands at this point), don’t say anything. Keep your head down and focus on using this time to plan for the bigger picture. Don’t stop marketing, but don’t do cliché, designed by committee marketing either.

Always create marketing that gives more than it takes. A real competitive advantage in any marketplace is to actually give a sh*t about your customers. These brands did nothing but prove they really don’t.

Always behind you 1,000%,
Julia

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Pied Piper Got Screwed. But You Don’t Have To.

The Husband and I just finished binge-watching Silicon Valley.

I loved this show. I cannot recommend it enough.

But one of the reasons I loved it so much was that they poked fun at the business of startups. And I’m guessing that a lot of what they poked fun at is actually true (if my experience in the corporate world is any indication…).

The focus of the show is a coding genius named Richard and his startup software called Pied Piper. (No one but Richard likes the name, but that’s a discussion for another day.)

In an episode early in the season, Pied Piper gains entry to the TechCrunch competition in San Francisco (this a real thing, btw) and needs a logo.

Their newly-minted head of Public Relations, Erlich (a pot-smoking, coding wannabe who also owns the “hacker hostel” all the Pied Piper employees live in) comes up with, according to him, the best idea ever: To get one of San Francisco’s most notorious graffiti artists (and a convicted felon), Chuy Ramirez, to do the logo and give Pied Piper a “cool edge.”

The only reason Chuy agrees to do it is that he thinks Dinesh, one of the coders along for the meeting, is Hispanic (he’s Pakistani, but Erlich doesn’t fess up). Chuy says this will cost a mere $10,000. Erlich lets his excitement get the better of him and agrees to pay the fee with what little money Pied Piper has.

Chuy is so pleased they’ve hired a “Hispanic” coder he decides to incorporate that into the logo. He arrives to paint the logo on the garage door of the hacker hostel and what they get is a scene of a “Hispanic” Dinesh having, ahem, s*xual relations with the Statue of Liberty (I’m laughing so hard I can barely type this). 😂🤣

Even the crass, pot-smoking Erlich realizes this is not appropriate. But his revision suggestions make Chuy angry, and he edits the logo by making Dinesh Pakistani and painting Erlich’s face on the Statue of Liberty. 🤣🤣

The neighbors call the cops, and the cops tell them they have to paint over their $10,000 logo (and in an effort to hide it, Richard raises the garage door only to reveal Erlich’s pot farm). 

The truth is…

This isn’t too far from the truth for what I’ve seen a lot of startup businesses do. I even saw it happen in the company I worked for (billionaires have no business designing logos either).

Your logo, branding, and design all make visual statements about your company. But here’s the thing most people don’t understand: Your logo and design are not for you.

It’s about what will appeal to your target market.

Yes, it’s important that you love your branding, but the way to get to the best of both worlds is to hire a professional. Someone who has proven design and branding skills (aka they have training and a portfolio of work they’ve done for paying clients).

The key to a logo’s effectiveness isn’t cutesy creativity. It’s simplicity and clarity. And those can be challenging for even the most talented designers to accomplish.

If you take your business seriously, you will hire a professional to work with you to design something that will help you attract your target market. To keep it clean, clear, and effective.

I see way more bad logos than good ones. Again, because simplicity is not easy.

Too many times, I see everything but the kitchen sink thrown into one little logo and the public left to decipher what the heck it all means. And this means the public will never connect to it because they won’t spend the energy to try to figure out what your business is all about. 🤷🏼‍♀️

A bad logo will make your marketing efforts much more challenging for that very reason.

Remember: A good logo will cost you. A bad logo will cost you more.

Always behind you 1,000%-
Julia

PS – I can help you nail just the right logo and branding for you and your target market (and help you avoid getting “screwed”). Click here to start the conversation.

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The most expensive holiday ad ever.

I was surprised by how bad this ad was even though I had already read the commentary on it by a lot of experts I respect.

The Peloton bike ad called “The gift that gives back,” was being torn apart on social media for a few different (public opinion) reasons:

  • The wife should have been heavier
  • The husband was evil for giving her a piece of exercise equipment, aka “don’t get fat, honey.”
  • Why did she look so terrified of her first ride on a stationary bike in her own home?

and the list goes on.

While none of that is good, it’s not the core problem this ad has.

(If you haven’t seen it, click here to watch.)

Quick description:

It’s a winter-white Christmas morning in a beautiful Architectural Digest-type home with snow gently falling outside and a fire in the fireplace. The wife is being led into the beige living room by the kid—with her hand over her eyes.

The husband says, “Okay, are you ready? Now!,” she exclaims, “A Peloton!”

So far, so good. The next scene is where it starts to fall apart.

She’s on the bike for her first ride. She looks terrified.  And she has started to video her Peloton journey. For what reason, we have no idea.

“I’m a little nervous, but excited,” she says. Nervous about what, for Pete’s sake? She’s on a stationary bike in her own home, not running her first marathon.

As Amy Hoy (@amyhoy) pointed out in her now-famous Twitter analyzation of the ad, that’s not really the most disturbing part.

She says:

“We see her from the outside.

We watch her get the present.

We watch her get on the bike.

We watch the video she filmed.

But who are WE? The scriptwriters actually wrote our perspective to be the husband’s perspective.”

Amy nailed it. That’s the first and probably biggest mistake this ad makes. It didn’t pick the first person or third person perspective—it was written (and acted) for second person—the viewer. And it makes us feel like voyeurs watching something we shouldn’t be.

Then we watch a confusing montage of her journey on a huge TV screen. Is she trying to tell us to give a Peloton or get one? Or that getting one isn’t all that bad?

The other problem is that there was no real transformation. She didn’t change. There was nothing to overcome (other than her supposed real fear of the bike to begin with). She wasn’t trying to lose weight, and she wasn’t heartbroken—she was happily married (we are led to believe) with a healthy kid living in a gorgeous house.

The “star” of the commercial—the gift giver—is barely there. The husband has one line. Remember, the title of the commercial (the concept) is “The gift that gives back.” It’s meant to be directed at those who give gifts, not receive them.

Amy (@amyhoy) offered a great fix in that Twitter takedown:

“If they did a voiceover—‘I always had excuses…’

While showing her unpacking the bike, setting it up, taking the first ride, waking up at 6 am, etc. and at the end saying ‘I did it.’”

Now there’s an ad with some meaning behind it. Something we can all connect to—excuses and the joy of overcoming them. A Peloton bike helped me succeed at getting exercise every day!

The Peloton ad was badly written and poorly conceived and directed (by the agency). And the acting couldn’t overcome that. The framing of the story was just too confusing.

Thus, the misinterpretation of the ad by the public and the almost billion-dollar loss in market value.

Why is everyone analyzing the heck out of one ad?

Because this kind of thing is terrible marketing. It gives marketing itself a bad name. And if we can understand why the ad didn’t work, we can improve. Which makes things better for all of us.

But more important than that…

I saw only one other person make this point about the ad (on LinkedIn):

It got approved to run. The agency had to have held a screening. If you didn’t know it was going to play like this when you read the script, you had to know it was bad once you saw it acted out (if you are any kind of marketing professional, that is).

Yet no one spoke up. No one from the agency said, “We should probably rethink this.” No one from Peloton said, “That wasn’t what we were going for and won’t play well to our audience.”

Fear of losing a client/paycheck (agency) and ego (Peloton) cost the company some serious market value–$942 million, to be exact. The biggest single-day drop in the company’s history.

And there’s the real lesson. Never let fear or ego stand in the way of doing the right thing for a client or for your company.

It will always bite you in the arse.

Always behind you 1,000%,
Julia

PS – Peloton itself is a great product. I’d love to have their Tread. Husband, are you reading this? 😉